This can be a draft with out conventional NFL “conflict rooms,” with out Roger Goodell bro-hugs, with out reside end-of-day press conferences, with out team-sponsored draft events in auditoriums, with out high prospects arrayed round tables in flashy fits, nervously awaiting their NFL destiny.
It is going to be bizarre. And with an unprecedented reliance on expertise in an business dominated by crusty previous “soccer guys,” it might get REALLY bizarre.
However the present is occurring. Right here is my 2020 Distant Quarantined Socially Distanced NFL Mock Draft.
Joe Burrow, QB, LSU: Cincinnati has its greatest QB since Boomer Esiason. America has reside sports activities once more.
Basic supervisor Bruce Allen delivers the choose however his laptop computer is on mute. He retains mouthing phrases that look, to the most effective of anybody’s guess, like “feathered toaster over.” Decide forfeited.
Fifteen minutes of video feed reveals an empty workplace with eight screens, three telephones and a Lions helmet, however no individuals. A cat briefly walks via the body. Silence. Decide forfeited.
Chase Younger, DE, Ohio State: ABC cameras reduce to Younger’s household house. Nobody is smiling. Perhaps they didn’t hear he was drafted by the Giants. Or possibly they did.
Jeff Okudah, CB, Ohio State: A building-block defensive participant for Miami.
Jeff Okudah, CB, Ohio State. NFL officers are telling the Chargers that Okudah has already been chosen. LA coach Anthony Lynn and GM Tom Telesco apparently can’t hear them. They’re smiling and digital high-fiving.
Jeff Okudah, CB, Ohio State. Roger Goodell seems to be stricken.
Derrick Brown, DT, Auburn: The Playing cards have been loading up on offense. Right here is their defensive stud.
Jacksonville GM David Caldwell says “Juh..” earlier than the picture freezes mid-word. Nobody is certain whether or not the Jags wished Justin Herbert or Javon Kinlaw. Decide forfeited.
Lloyd Cushenberry, C, LSU: NFL workforce executives have a superb snicker, pondering there was one other draft-night glitch when Cleveland selects a second-round expertise at No. 10. However no, it’s simply the Browns.
Tristan Wirfs, T, Iowa: New York will get probably the most athletic offensive deal with within the draft. One potential goal off the 49ers’ huge board.
Jon Gruden is about to make Las Vegas’ choose, however he spends the allotted time telling one in every of his sons the best way to correctly mow a garden: “You’ve gotta begin on the edges and work your manner into the center. Preserve these strains straight, man!”
Jedrick Wills, T, Alabama: The Niners have Joe Staley’s successor. Director of video operations Mike Bracken instantly will get a promotion to government VP and a statue outdoors of Levi’s Stadium.
Basic supervisor Jason Licht publicizes the choose, however can’t be heard over the barking of his German shepherd. Decide forfeited.
Goodell publicizes a commerce out of the 15 spot, the 2020 draft’s first deal. We look forward to the small print. Nobody appears to know. John Elway has been logged out. Decide forfeited.
As Atlanta GM Thomas Dimitroff publicizes his workforce’s choose, Elway logs again in to say that Denver’s commerce accomplice was the Texans. Houston’s Invoice O’Brien then makes an attempt to announce his workforce’s choice at No. 15. He and Dimitroff are speaking over one another as if the opposite weren’t there. Nobody can hear a phrase.
Now Jerry Jones is speaking, too, together with Dimitroff and O’Brien. It’s a cacophony. The red-faced Jones ends his 15 minutes by screaming “You’re all fired!!!” into the digital camera.
Tua Tagovailoa, QB, Alabama. “Guys, this isn’t that tough,” Miami GM Chris Grier says.
Gruden is now speaking about “Tiger King,” which he didn’t take care of. “These cats are highly effective athletes, man. You gotta give ’em some room to function!” Decide forfeited.
The Jacksonville display is displaying cut-ups of Oregon QB Justin Herbert throwing deep outs. That is thought of shut sufficient, and he’s awarded to the Jags.
Philadelphia GM Howie Roseman and his spouse are taking a web based Zumba class. Decide forfeited, although Mrs. Roseman reveals good stability and strikes nicely in area.
CeeDee Lamb, WR, Oklahoma: Minnesota will get Kirk Cousins a formidable weapon.
CJ Henderson, CB, Florida: Experiencing technical difficulties, Invoice Belichick takes 22 minutes to make the choose. Everyone pretends they didn’t discover.
Jeff Okudah, CB, Ohio State: They will’t. He’s already taken. It’s not allowed. For f’s sake.
Isaiah Simmons, LB, Clemson: Wow, how did this quick, reliable linebacker fall up to now?
Fifteen minutes of grains of sand falling via an digital hourglass. Decide forfeited.
Mekhi Becton, T, Louisville: Seattle has a plan for conserving Nick Bosa and Dee Ford off of Russell Wilson.
- HOUSTON ASTROS
Spencer Torkelson, 1B/OF, Arizona State: Baltimore Ravens’ account could have been hacked. Decide is below assessment. Astros proprietor Jim Crane says he doesn’t consider it’s going to have an effect on aggressive outcomes in any case.
It’s only a Tik-Tok of a mother dancing to Cardi B. Decide forfeited.
Jerry Jeudy, WR, Alabama: Snatched proper out of the Niners’ palms.
Henry Ruggs III, WR, Alabama: Nice complement to Deebo and Kittle. Mike Bracken given a 10-percent possession curiosity within the franchise.
Unaware it’s his flip, Andy Reid spends his allotted time attempting to order barbecue via DoorDash. And in addition pizza. Decide forfeited.